Category: embarrassing

Boys are mean!

Boys are mean!

It was only a matter of time until I came across an asshole that made me feel bullied middle school style on Tinder and I finally found him. Let’s call him “Middle School”.

Middle School gets a prize for just sucking.

Man, this guy was MEAN.

So as an aside, because I am a little hurt and defensive… I tend to get the impression in life that I am pretty hot. I get a lot of free shit, I can smile my way out of a traffic ticket. I’m not necessarily the hottest girl in the room, but I am a solid 7-8 and I have a rockin’  bod from being a fitness instructor. Middle School apparently didn’t agree.

Middle School was one of those hot traveler guys. He is an ex-pro cyclist and has some tattoos going on- he is what all girls in San Francisco are more or less attracted to. And he knows it.

Middle School initially thinks I’m a hottie. We chat for awhile and he gets my number. We plan to meet and chat more. Then he asks to friend me on facebook to see more photos. I don’t really like when guys do this since it seems superficial BUT I totally want to stalk him and figure out what his deal is so I do it.

I stalk him on facebook and see all his cool cycling photos and decide I want to meet him. I tell him I am free early evening if he wants to squeeze in our drink and he says “I don’t think so hun” and unfriends me on facebook, and unmatches me on tinder.

Now that is what I call a rejection.

Thank you middle school, for reminding me what its like to be 12. Insecure and feeling like I’m about to puke. I only wish we met in person so I could throw up on your over-rated face.

The Tampon

This is how I screw up dates.

Or maybe second dates, because I have yet to get backlash from this one.

So guess what guys- I finally went on a decent date! I know, right! Hard to believe. Anyways, this guy kind of looks like a hot version of my highschool boyfriend, so let’s call him “Wishutookmyvcard”.

I had the perfect date with Wishutookmyvcard. Drinks at a cool bar with games, good conversation, flirting, splitting a burrito in the park, first kiss overlooking the city. Perfect first date.
Anyways, having finally had a perfect first date, I decide to go back to Wishutookmyvcard’s apartment and make out for awhile. I’m on my period, which is a buzz kill, but also great because it keeps me from having sex too soon which is one of the rules (I’ll have to post the rules on of these days).

So after a half hour or so of heavy making out Wishutookmyvcard goes into the kitchen to get some water. FINALLY- I have enough privacy to sneak a tampon from my purse and run to the bathroom to take care of business. I take a quick pee, do a quick t change, and low and behold Wishutookmyvcard DOES NOT HAVE A TRASH CAN in his bathroom. FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK.

Don’t fret dear audience. He had a window. So I opened it up and chucked my tampon applicator and used old tampon out into Noe Valley. Let’s hope I threw it far enough that he will NEVER kn0w.

Also, I know this is San Francisco, but stop judging me for littering. YOU WOULD DO THE SAME THING.

A note to Wishutookmycard. I fucking hope you are NOT reading this. But if you are because you are a techie and stalking me because you dig me like I’m digging you please don’t hold this against me. If anything it shows how much I want you, and that’s hot? Plus your stalking me hard core so you shouldn’t hold this shit against me. I will give you a massive bj to win you over even though I was planning on holding out sex till our fifth date. Or whenever. Just use the password “Your blog sucks”. See you next week.